Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Crazy people in cars

This story brought back some bad memories. Of course this woman is a complete psycho but I think a few people are when it comes to their cars. My first run in with an insane driver was when I was in about grade 5. I wrote about it for some school assignment thing so take into account that it was for a conservative school teacher. And I'm not going to be bothered re-editing it to make it any better than the B+ it got.

One of the scariest moments in my life happened one fine spring day in that wonderful year of our lord nineteen hundred and ninety eight. My friend Christopher and I were walking back to my house from school. I can’t remember what the weather was like it may have been a tad warm.

So as Christopher and I were walking casually, leisurely down my street I plucked off a large flower from one of the bushes protruding through a fence. Holding this flower in my hand we both spotted a white van coming down the street towards us. Christopher dared me to throw the flower at the van. I was keen to show off my skills so I did but I threw the flower just a bit too soon as I was eager to get a direct hit rather then throwing the flower at the empty space behind the van. Unfortunately the flower was thrown out into the space in front of the truck and for a moment it hung in the air suspended in time. And ‘Wham!’ The windshield of the van smacked straight into the flower or vice versa depending on your interpretation of various rules of physics.

Screeeeeech! The van screeched to a halt as it rolled past us. ‘ Holy shit we both said to ourselves or maybe aloud ‘Run!’ Fortunately my house was a block or so away. We ran as fast as we could faster than we’d ever run in our lives. Pure adrenaline pumping through our veins, minds going crazy with fear. We ran up to my house inside the gate as the van reversed, following us. I plunged my key into the lock of my front door turned and opened the door. Me the idiot that I was couldn’t get the key out of the lock the guy in the van was almost right up along side my house. Chris was already inside the house yelling at me to get the key out and get inside I was so scared that I just couldn’t get the key out so scared that I just abandoned all hope of ever getting it out and left the key inside the front of the lock I came inside and closed the door behind me. ‘You idiot max!’ Chris yelled at me he opened the door and went outside to wrestle with the key. The guy in the van was just outside our house watching. It seemed that Chris was wrestling with that key for an eternity it was probably only ten seconds. But the guy in the van got a good look at him and Chris got a good look at the guy in the van. Chris later told me that the guy was bald. Finally Chris got the key out, came inside and closed the door. I locked it hurriedly. But in my eyes we were still not out of danger. The guy any second now was going to get out of the van and try and break in I thought.

Chris and I ran out to the back yard and hid behind the shed in the snakey grass for about half an hour. Nothing much happened after that the guy probably rang the doorbell a few times but probably went home angry. As for Chris and I both our nerves were shot for that day and we were probably in shock for a couple of days.

For about a year after this I walked along the street parallel to mine to get home and then sprinted up the closest side street to my house to get home. And I still have a terrible fear of bald guys in white vans.

The second incident was also kind of scary. It was quite recent. Me and a couple of friends were walking down a small street with road bumps in it. So as you can imagine the cars driving past were going quite slow. We were eating some cold pizza and one of my friends unbeknownst to me chucks it in the air and it lands on this guy's windscreen who's driving past. He brakes and gets out and starts yelling at us. I think he's a complete nutter as I didn't see the offending bit of pizza being thrown. We just denied throwing anything (me quite genuinely) and he was very angry but he ended up just calling us cunts and driving off.

The third incident was possibly the most disturbing. Me and some friends once again were walking down Moreland road on the way home from school. I for some reason as we were crossing a street behind a car turning into Moreland rd tapped my knuckles against the back of the car on one of those absurd bumper/spoiler I have no idea what they are things on the back of' sporty' cars. So I knock on this then keep walking. The woman pulls up a bit ahead of us, gets out and starts going absolutely psycho. 'Which one of you did this?' anyway events are a bit blurry but she realised it was me and started going completely off at me. I told her to inspect her car and see that there was absolutely no damage whatsoever. But anyway she ended up giving we a really hard wack on the arm. What a bogan. She was probably on her way to the western suburbs to suck some dick for some heroin.

Another vaguely amusing incident like this happened to a guy at our school. There were a bunch of kids on the Lygon st tram coming home and one, this dickhead stoner guy threw a sandwich or something from the tram window at this guy either riding a bike or in a pink car or something, the story has gone around a bit. But the crazy thing was. The guy got all pissed off so he gets off his bike or out of his car or whatever, gets on the tram and tries to find out who threw it. For some reason he settles on this goofy kid called Bryce and proceeds to punch him really hard in the face.

Cost of the War in Iraq
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